Experiencing God.
Encountering Christ.
Relational Connectedness with the Trinity.
I think this is the "normal Christian life" to borrow an idea from the old book by Watchman Lee.
Are we aiming too high?
Shouldn't we just set our sights a whole lot lower?
In Week Three of the Ignatian Exercises, the challenge is for a retreatant to have compassion with Christ's passion.
Com = with.
Passion = the suffering of Christ.
Compassion with jesus in Week Three is to share in the suffering of Christ, to have the empathetic connection with Christ in His suffering, to know Christ in his suffering. This is what the Apostle Paul says is his life goal in Philippians 3;10. Especially:
the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings,
becoming like him in death.
When was the last time you heard that one preached and explained in a way that made sense?
So, I am slowly working my way through the Passion narrative, trying to be with Christ in his sufferings, to feel, to know, to understand, to be with Jesus in all that he experienced. It is a bit odd to still be doing this "post-resurrection" but the schedule just didn't cooperate for moving through Week Three "pre-Easter."
************
Normally we approach this part of the gospel with other agendas.
(1) The Apologetic Agenda: We want to go through the historical details of the story and show the horrible travesty of justice and how unjust the trial was. In fact, it was illegal at point after point. I have devoured apologetic treatments of the Passion of Christ. Intriguing exegetical stuff!
(2) The Theological Approach: We want to affirm the full biblical meaning of the events of the final day of Christ. We want to affirm the fulfillment of Old Testament prophecy concerning Christ. The Atonement discussion around the cross of Christ has grown heated lately. Important. Needed. Even useful. But we can't stop there.
(3) Spiritual Formation. But how do I engage with these passages and this story in a spiritually formative way?
When we get past discussion of the text itself and the historical backgrounds and the theological meaning of the text, then comes the time when we ponder the implications for the spiritual life. Often, we do this in a rather pragmatic way. Above all, we like to see the practical application of being forgiven and then forgiving others in this part of the Gospel Story.
Sometimes we can go a little deeper and consider the experiences of the characters involved in the story. Maybe we connect with Peter's experience, but if we do so, it is because we are finding a principle in Peter that we can generalize and from which we draw a personal application.
This time I have been asking - what is Peter feeling, thinking, experiencing in this encounter (on the day I wrote this reflection, it is as Jesus is before the Sanhedrin)? Impossible you say to know. If the text says Peter is sad, then you know. If the text says he is angry - than you know? If the text says Peter wept bitterly, then he wept bitterly. Otherwise, it is just pure conjecture on your part.
And to go even further (and here is where it gets very hard) what is Jesus experiencing during these moments?
Jesus is silent, we read. But what is he thinking, feeling, experiencing while he is silent. For the purpose of Week Three is to be "with Jesus" and in the words of Paul, "to have the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings."
But I try.
I move into the realm of questions, wondering, supposing, guessing… This very process of wanting to know Christ in his sufferings is good. I am engaging with a Person and not with Ideas about an event. The ideas are just a stepping stone to encounter a Person. They are needed but they are not the END POINT, only the means toward that end.
And it seems to me that as I seek to do this, I am moving into Relational Spirituality, Relational Christianity.
************
Isn't this so subjective, my critic asks me. My friend is a good friend, but still, critical, a bit suspicious, certainly skeptical. He is only interested in objective truth.
What is Jesus I ask? An object to be studied or a subject to be known? (I must have sounded profound, for my friend doesn't answer.)
People are not meant to be objects. In fact, we think it is bad if we "objectify" another. We know we have done something wrong to the objectified one. People are subjects to be known and loved.
We Evangelical Deists have objectified Jesus. We have reduced Jesus to a set of true ideas. We may like ideas, even be moved by the idea… but it is an idea that is doing this and not a Person. Isn't this a lesser reality? Excited about an idea when we are invited to be Loved and Known by a Person who invites us to reciprocate.
Is there any difference between the following loves.
I love the Bible?
I love Jesus?
Tell me you see the difference?
The one can love you back?
Yes, it is wonderfully, mysteriously, messily SUBJECTIVE.
So I press on, seeking com-passion with Christ, to know Him in His sufferings.
Ideas still thrill me… they intrigue me… some of them irritate me… they occupy my time… they receive some of my best energies. But the idea has ceased to be the END. Now, it is only a MEANS to a much greater End. Encounter, Experience, Friendship, Intimacy, Connectedness with Christ.
***********
I think this is what Thomas Aquinas meant, in part, when after he experienced God near the end of his life said, "All I have written is but straw." And he never wrote again. One of the most brilliant theologians and prolific authors of words encountered God and never wrote again!
I think this is what Pascal was describing when he wrote, "fire, fire, fire…" and kept the words sown into his jacket, near his heart, for the rest of his life. Personal Encounter with the Living God.
So I continue reading, reflecting, wondering, asking questions, seeking to imagine with my poor faculties - what was Jesus experiencing. And how can I be com-passionate with Christ's passion?
30 minutes… then 60 minutes… then longer… I have to stop… I am skirting the edge of mystery… and still feeling so far away from com-passion.
Tomorrow is another movement in the Passion of Christ. His torment and pain will grow stronger with each passing narrative movement. I was barely able to be with Christ today. What will I possibly do tomorrow.
But this is my desire…
and I continue to be an Evangelical on the Ignatian Way of Proceeding.
For a few more days, at least, that way of proceeding is the way of com-passion.
Brian K. Rice
Leadership ConneXtions International
www.lci.typepad.com